David

By the time you're reading this, it's too late for me. I just want to get that out of the way. If you are reading this, I am dead. I asked David to post this once he'd killed me.

Some of you wondered, I'm sure, what interest David would have in someone like me. I did too. I'm not stupid, just resigned. I'm not a runner. I'm not a fighter. I barely survive. And if David cared enough to track me down that first time, I was his prey. And if he wanted to play nice? Well, it's felt good pretending someone cares about me like that again.

For the record? I suspected from the moment I saw that comment. I figured it out for certain shortly after we arrived at Hope. He introduced me to The Mad Ventriloquist, poor man. They're in love, and I wish them all the best, because I can't think of any other motive that would've kept him from crying and trying something like he obviously wanted to. He knew. He's not that good of an actor.
But please, don't judge him too harshly. I told him I knew, that it was what I wanted. He didn't like it, but he understood.

David knew I knew, and never did he seem so attracted to me as when I came to him a few days later and told him I knew he was going to kill me. That kiss... I think it may have been the only real kiss he ever gave me. The only one that wasn't carefully planned and poised and plotted.

Yes, that's right. We were sleeping together. The two of us made a deal. I would do whatever he wanted, let him have whatever death he wanted for me, do just exactly as he wished.

Provided he gave me at least a week to pretend he loved me. He's been wonderful, he's an amazing actor and a skilled top. Were circumstances different it would be quite easy to fall into that act and believe that it were true, that he really did love me.

As it is, I'm grateful for the masquerade. I didn't want to die without ever being happy again. I'm... I'm not, exactly. Happy, I mean. But.. content. As long as I have someone I can trust to serve, I can find contentment, and strangely now that I know he wants my death I know he won't harm me in the meantime. I trust him implicitly.

I know I'm going to die, I know it will probably be horrific. I have no doubt in my mind that he will make me cry and scream and wish for the end, but I find comfort in two things.

First, that nothing he, an external force, can do will hurt me worse than I already hurt after the past couple months. I've tried so hard to fight it or hide it or move past it, but all I am is pain. Everything I am, everything I feel, is shades of pain. Serving him, getting so far into that mentality that it's a trance, is the only thing I've been able to find to allow me to not hurt, even just for a little while.

And secondly? There is nothing left on this earth I want more than death. After their deaths... I just can't. As much as they wouldn't like the comparison, I find myself like those stories of dogs whose owners have died who just fade away, die out of grief for their master. The only thing keeping me in the land of the living is luck. That and Damon's last order: that I not end my own life because of my loss.
So I haven't. I've done what I could to stay alive, and now that the decision is out of my hands... now that I know I will see them again soon... If I didn't still hurt so bad, I'd call it joy.

So, please, don't hate or blame him for it. He gave me everything I could have asked for. I'm just hoping my death doesn't hurt anyone else.

Goodbye. I'll be with Damon and Penny soon.

Moving Along

David and I left Hope today. It's... as I said. Kind of a relief, to be just the two of us again. Lis and Shaun, thank you. You were very kind to me. I appreciate your concern. I'm sorry I wasn't out more to get to know you, I think I would have liked to.

All the same, the peace of the road, the comfortable silences broken only by the radio, are a nice change. Having company again, especially someone as kind and careful as David has been, is good for me, I think. I find myself actually singing with him along to whatever is playing on the radio. He has a lovely voice, and seems to enjoy any  random music that comes on the radio. It's nice to see such simple happiness on his face.

I'm not sure where we're going now, but I'm not too worried about it. David will keep me safe.

Hope

David and I have been here for a week. I meant to say something sooner but I really have just gotten out of the habit of blogging. And, other than Miss, everyone who reads this blog is in the building, I think. So it's not like it much matters, really. But I still want to try and get back in the habit of putting things up here.

Hope is nice. Even if I haven't really seen anything but my room and the kitchen. It's so weird, there being other people around. I... I'm honestly kind of too scared to deal with it very well. But I've met a couple people. The Mad Ventriloquist has been very kind to me, and Lis made me spaghetti, and Shaun and I talked.
It's... nice. I'd forgotten what it is to talk to people, to get hugs and have simple, domestic conversations.

It won't last. We're leaving soon. I'm not sure I'm sad about that. There's so many couples... it hurts. God help me, it hurts seeing people hand in hand, seeing that magnetism between people in love. And it's everywhere, and it burns me like fire because every time I see it, or hear it, or read about it, there's just this giant hole where Damon and Penny used to be, and I just...
I can't.
I just can't.
So, I'm sorry, but we can't leave soon enough for my taste. It all hurts too much.

Strange Bedfellows

But not literally.

Those of you who read the comments may have seen this one. An offer of a travelling companion from someone named David. I'll admit, I never thought much of it-after all, surely that David would never want anything to do with me. I'm a small fry with no real connection to his lover, after all.
And yet.
It's him.

But don't panic. He's... good. Kind to me. He's teaching me how to fight, trying to help me move forward. I don't really know why he's taken an interest in me. I mean. I asked, and he said I was interesting. Sweet. But. I mean, there's got to be plenty of more interesting Runners.

In any event, we're travelling together, apparently going to Hope. I'm not sure what to think of the fact that my protector is a proxy, but he's a kind man and I really enjoy travelling with him so far.

Calm Before the Storm

I'm sorry again that I haven't been posting much. It's been so quiet. I haven't seen anyone in a mask, much less the faceless wonder, in weeks. It's just been... peaceful. I dunno, maybe after Morningstar's maze there's nothing left for me to lose and I'm not fun enough prey for him to go after me?
I got lazy. Stopped running. Settled into this crappy apartment, kept taking classes. Learning to fight. Fooled myself into thinking I was safe.
I hadn't seen Him in a long time. Since... not long after... Well, you know.
I don't know why he hasn't come back, but I want to make the most of the time until he does.
This should be interesting, anyway. Can't help the feeling that something terrible's about to happen.

Sorry...

I didn't mean to vanish, really. I kind of forgot this was here?
I've been trying to not think about it. About  the part of my life on the blog.
It's not that I'm not still Stalked, that I'm not still running. Because I am.

But. I have to keep moving forward, keep living, and I don't know how to do that if I let myself think about it. Because nights like tonight? When I do? It just... it just kills me.

I'm. I'd like to think I'm so much stronger now. I'm learning how to fight, and apparently I have a knack for it. I constantly have a collection of bruises from sparring, but I take down my opponent as often as they take me down these days.

I'd probably learn faster if I didnt' have to keep moving, but I don't feel comfortable staying in one town for more than a couple weeks. So I keep going, floating from town to town, finding places with community centers or YMCA's that offer free classes in defense.

I'll try to post more often, I don't want to worry anyone.

Just An Update

Nothing much to report. Slendersightings have been scarce so far, the hotel continues to be shit and I continue to  refuse to touch the blanket or walk around barefooted.

The class is going well-only two sessions so far, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. The me of a few weeks ago probably would've been too nervous to do any of this, but after losing everyone it doesn't bother me. All I have to do is imagine using these moves on Star or one of his minions and I'm fine with it. Amazing how things change.

Speaking of Morningstar. Apparently he thinks he can defect? This crazy bint honestly thinks he of all people deserves a chance at redemption. I've seen him. I've looked into his eyes. He has no pity, no remorse. I looked into those cold blue eyes and saw cruelty and joy at my suffering. I do not believe for a moment he has any sort of remorse.
I still have nightmares of those eyes and that cold, clear laugh as Damon died.
He doesn't deserve the second chance Damon and Penny never got.

Stronger

Sorry I'm slow to update lately but I've been driving so hard all I do when I reach a stopping point is pass out. I don't have much to say. I'm just going through my days and trying to live and figure out where to go from here.

That said, I'm now settled down in one of those sleazy rent by the week type places. I don't expect to be able to stay here long, but I'll enjoy the couple weeks I have, because I've come to a decision.

I don't have anyone to protect me anymore. I can't expect to be protected or sheltered or guarded ever again. I have to learn how to protect and take care of myself. In regards to the former, the city I'm in at the moment has free self defense classes going at the community center. I've already enrolled. I don't ever expect to be a fighter like some of you, but these days being able to fight back if I'm attacked is rather important.

The later I'm just having to figure out as I go.

The point is, I have a goal, I have a plan, I refuse to let this destroy me. For Damon and Penny and Brandon, I have to keep going.

Pondering My Next Move

I've been here at Miss' house for almost a week. She's been amazing. It's been really hard, she's helped me so much.
I'll admit that the first couple days I didn't really do much but cry and sleep. And then she mentioned wanting cookies. Just idly. And somehow next thing I knew I was baking cookies in her kitchen and she was looking at me with these bright starry eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time since... well. You know.
No matter how much it feels like your heart will break at each new tragedy, life moves on. The little things still happen to make you smile or laugh or cry, and eventually even the most bitter and desperate person starts to notice the happy moments again.
I'm not over it. I may never be over it. I loved them, and they died for me, and I'm not sure I even want to be over it or over them. But I'm recovering. I feel alive again, and I need to get moving.

I left Miss' house this morning. It's strange and sad and terrifying to be alone again but the three of them left me enough money to get by for a while until I figure out my next move.

Processing

I think... I think I'm still in shock, a little bit.
I don't... We didn't have a plan, really. We had no plans except to run. So I've not really known what to do? But we were headed up to see Miss, before... before all of this went down.
So, I decided to go ahead and go to her. She's... she's very kind and I don't really want to be alone after all of this.
Also admittedly I feel a lot safer with her, what with her being... whatever she is, exactly. I got to her early this afternoon, and she's every bit as kind in person. It feels nice to have someone to talk to again, and she doesn't mind hugging me while I cry.
Which happens quite often these days, unfortunately

I'm finally out of survival mode, now that I have time to sit and process... And I've been thinking. When I can.
I have to find something, I have to live. Damon told me, when he ordered me to run, that I had to keep living. It was... it was the last thing he ever told me. I don't know how. But I have to do it. For him. For them.

Somehow.

What Now

My name is Jessie Miller. I am twenty two years old, I had two partners named Damon Lewis and Penny Smith. I had a boyfriend named Brandon. I was studying to be a nurse, with a specialty in pediatrics. Penny was a teacher, Damon an electrical engineer. We met my first year in college when we all joined the same gaming group. Damon and Penny had been best friends for years and they both fell for me.
They agreed to share me if I agreed to it, and it wasn't long after that they realized they had feelings for each other. We were planning on moving somewhere on the coast after I graduated. They collared me last September, telling me they'd marry me as well if it were legal.
We were happy, together, until I got too nosy and started reading blogs and brought Slenderman into their lives. We had beautiful plans, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Penny dreamed of being a novelist-she hated horror stories and loved light hearted fantasy with everything she had. Damon wanted to make us a completely self-sustaining house.
They gave me rules and things to focus on when I was scared and needed guidance. They walked me through my fears and my doubts. Penny's family kicked her out of the house when she came out to them about Damon and I. Told her to never come back, but she was so proud to be open about her lovers that she spent the whole day smiling.
Damon was the one who found us our house. He graduated with a real job and could afford it. We had a crappy apartment in Jacksonville for school but Damon graduated and found us a little house where we could all live. This fall would have been the first time in two years that I wouldn't go to sleep with them every night, but it was okay because I only had a semester left and I had their collar to remind me I was theirs.
Penny smelled like ginger and tasted like cherries and had beautiful soft red hair. We always woke up in the morning tangled up in each other because she loved to cuddle and it always felt so good to make her smile.
Damon had a deep grumbly voice that felt commanding in all the right ways and a laugh that never failed to make me smile. He always smelt of soap and man and things I can't quite identify but his arms always felt like home and the way he called me good girl always made my toes curl.

Brandon I barely knew. It was my fault that he got involved. He was sweet and shy and way confused by the insanity that hit him so quickly. But he was just learning how to game and he was utterly delighted by the dice. He was so good to me when I was scared and tried so hard to take care of me so soon after we'd met. Our first date was only that morning...
His smile could light up a whole room and his kisses were sweet and I will always regret that I never had time to show him my world properly, and he never really even tried to show me his.

I will never forget them, I loved them all, they were my family and they all died so that I could be here and I don't know why I'm the one who survived, I'm useless without them, but I have to make them all proud. Somehow.

Master, Lady, Brandon... I'm so sorry. I love you. I would give anything for one more day with you.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe.

Out

Oh god I'm out, I'm out, I'm hiding away somewhere, but I'm out.
They're all dead.
All of them.
I'm alone.
Damon died so I could get out.
One of them came out and watched me go. He knew that I was escaping, and he just laughed and waved. The pale boy with the creepy high pitched laugh. I don't.
I don't know what to do.
There's no one here to tell me what to do anymore.
I'm alone
I'm alone
I'm alone
What do I do now?

They got her. They got Penny. This creepy fuck in a mask got Penny and we couldn't... we had to keep going, there are too many of them, we had to.
We had to leave her and keep running. Oh god Penny. I love you, Lady, I'm so sorry. I haven't stopped crying, and Damon looks like he wants to kill someone. He may get his wish. We're still in here.
Watching. The man with the guns isn't very good. maybe it's the sunglasses?
The weird Jamaican guy is trying to get him to leave... we're watching... we found a good hiding spot to see... One less person to worry about?
Except
What's that? Oh no

Morningstar.
It's Morningstar. He's got us trapped in this fucking hedge maze. Not a loop. Not a labyrinth. Just a fucking maze. The kind of thing people go into for fun. I used to love these...
But it's... wrong now, because it's full of people trying to kill us and we've already run into a clown with a flaming chainsaw and we're hiding and trying to make a plan but we don't know what to do and oh god we're all going to die.
I don't want to die. Oh god I'll be good forever I'll never break a rule again just please let us live.
Please.

Oh shit

Oh godogodogod
We just woke up... we're in some sort of... maze? The four of us... last I remember we were in the hotel room...But...
Oh this is bad, we've been moved and I don't know why... and is that...?

Reunited

Damon and Penny are here! They got here in time for dinner but I've been so happy to see them that I didn't want to move from their side to post this. It's... It's so amazing to see them again. We're a family again, and they're getting on well with Brandon, and for the first time in a long time everything feels like it's going to actually work out again.

I just wanted you all to know that. 

You Were Right, Jess

Hi, this is Penny. Jessie, I'm sorry for breaking into your account but you're not answering your phone and you left your password as the one we used for everything, so I hope this is okay. We needed to get in touch.

You were right, I'm so sorry, you were right and now we have a stalker in a business suit. Jessie, where are you love? We miss you and we want you back, now that there's no reason for us to stay apart. Please, please call us back?

That can be an order if you're willing to have us back. We love you, Jess, and we're both pretty fucking scared.

Running

Being on the run is terrifying. I could only bring what I could sneak out of our house without Damon and Penny noticing, so while I managed to empty my account on the way to meet Brandon, I was only able to bring a couple days worth of clothes, a couple books, and the LARPing weapons that were already in my car. I'm seriously considering finding a goodwill and trying to pick up a few more things, all of what I have is already pretty grimy. But money is going to be tight pretty soon so I can't quite justify it.

Brandon's been holding up pretty well, considering. Neither of us have come up with anything beyond 'run like the wind', but he's been so good to me... I'm not exactly the most stable right now. The day after we left, Damon and Penny called and told me that we were done. It shouldn't... it shouldn't bother me so damn much, I never expected anything else, but I... they've been so much a part of me, of my life, of everything I say or do, for so long...

I just feel lost. Thank God for Brandon, if I were on my own right now I couldn't... I couldn't do it. I just... I...

I should go before I start crying again.

Gone

I need to do this in order, otherwise I'll just freak out again and this post will never go up. The date yesterday was great. Brandon is sweet and we honestly have a good time together. I ended up taking him with me to run errands, and so we spent like five hours together. Pretty good for the first date, yeah? So I was pretty much deliriously happy when I went home and made dinner for Penny and Damon.

And then I found this. And I have to be honest with you guys, I have to, I think Damon and Penny and Brandon are the only ones who read this and I can't lie to you. He's real, I'm so sorry. A few weeks ago, that wasn't a game that was real and I thought I'd gotten through it, I thought it would go away but when I read that post I turned and He was in the window and I screamed. I knew... I knew I had to leave, I had to save Damon and Penny, because they're good kind people and they've treated me so well and I love them and I don't want this happening to them.

He's real, and I had to run, and I couldn't take Damon and Penny, couldn't TELL Damon and Penny. They know, of course, because I'm not allowed to lie to them, but they haven't seen him yet, they're not being stalked, so there's still hope, so I need to leave. I left with Brandon last night.

Damon, Penny, I'm so sorry. I know I broke the rules. I shouldn't have lied, I shouldn't have left, and I'm so sorry but my collar isn't worth your lives, it's just not. I love you both. I'm sorry.

The Game

Today was game day. Damon and Penny and I slept in, the game wasn't till four, and we headed out at around noon to get the stuff we needed to set up in the park taken care of, and we went to eat before the game because it was going to run well past dinner. The whole time the three of us were buzzing with anticipation, excitement for things to come.

We took our places at 3, ready with enough premade characters for double the people that had let us know they were coming-just in case. People started arriving pretty shortly after that, and we were relatively occupied until Brandon arrived a little after four. We'd been about to head out and get started, but I'm glad we waited. He's very sweet, if a little misguided. Seemed to think that this whole slenderthing was something more than just a game. He was pretty agitated about it.

I talked him down, though, and got him to come play. He'd never done a LARP before, but he did pretty well, and seemed to have a damn good time. Afterward, he came to talk to me and asked me out. Which, I admit, I was kind of excited about.

Confession time, guys. Damon and Penny aren't just friends, as Brandon noticed. We're dating. The three of us. We're a committed triad, though we all also pick up other partners from time to time. I had to check with them before I accepted Brandon's offer, but I wasn't particularly worried they'd say no. They've been encouraging me to pick up a date-they're both pretty busy most of the time and as I have very little to do during the week, finding someone good to spend some of that time with is definitely not a bad thing.

I probably should've come out and TOLD Brandon, but I thought that telling him I needed to ask permission was pretty obvious. Apparently he didn't figure it out until we kissed, though. At least he doesn't seem to mind? A lot of folks are squicked by polyamory. My family is still weirded out, and the three of us have been together for three years. Though admittedly they're nice about it, so it's not such a big deal.

In any case, I need to go get ready for my date. I'll throw up a post later today about how it went.

Things Change

Camp this weekend was dire. With Kaylee gone, my entire cabin was in a bad mood. Getting them to smile and laugh was quite a trick, one that I only partially achieved, because I was just as down as they were every time I looked at her empty bunk.

But we managed, and there's only one week left before the camp stops for the summer. It's... Normally I'm really sad when we end for the season, I fall in love with my kids and I hate to see them go, but after what happened last week I'm all nervous around the trees-and we have a lot of them. I hate that whatever happened has corrupted my haven like this. Hopefully by the winter I'll be able to enjoy it again.

In happier news, my game is tomorrow. It's looking like we're going to have a good turn-out, so that'll be fantastic. Damon and Penny and I are getting together this afternoon to do the last minute stuff we need to get done for tomorrow. Any of you reading this that are planning to show, you're in for something amazing.

I'll see you then!

Camp

I've been debating on whether to say anything about this here, because it's kind of private, but I don't have a whole lot of readers and most of the ones I do have will go away as soon as they figure out that this isn't a gaming post. I need to get this out SOMEWHERE.

I work at a weekends-only camp for kids with terminal diseases-cancer, mostly, but we have all types here. I love working with the kids, and if it is a little depressing thinking of how many of them aren't going to make it, I try and make up for that with remembering that I'm brightening their lives.

This is my third year working at the camp, and honestly it's the only reason I came back to Tampa this year instead of doing summer school like most of my friends.  The credit hours I get are nice, and as pediatric nursing is my chosen field I love the experience I get.

That's... that's not the problem part. The problem is with one of my campers. A little eight year old I'll call Kaylee. The first weekend I found her crying in her bunk and took her for a walk to cheer her up, and ever since, she's been my best friend among the kids. She has a heart defect, and before she got to camp she'd never really been allowed to run and play outside for fear of overexerting herself. She loves it, and she's always SO EXCITED to arrive Friday afternoon.

Saturday night she was feeling rather down so I took her for another walk before lights out. I remember the two of us leaving and laughing as we strolled into the woods, and then I remember her being on the ground and frantically calling everyone to help as I tried to keep her heart going. I wish I could remember what happened to give her problems.

She's in the hospital now, and she's in bad shape, but she'll last a while longer. It got her bumped up the transplant list, which is good, if scary. I went to see her this morning, and she seemed terrified. Wouldn't talk about what happened, said she didn't want to go back to camp. It's probably nothing-odds are high she hallucinated when she went down due to a lack of oxygen to the brain. If it were something scary, it would explain everything.

But still. I worry. It just doesn't feel quite right, and I don't know why

Going As Planned

Planning and prop making is going well, if perhaps a bit more expensively than I would have liked.  It's a good thing I've been working at the camp all summer, otherwise this would completely destroy my budget. It's worth it, though, to know that I've really gone full out for this. I'm really excited and I know my players are going to have a blast.

And yes, I actually have players for certain! The emails are coming in now, so far I have four. Two veterans, two newbies, but it's a new system so everyone starts on even footing. There's still plenty of time before game so I'm hoping I'll have at least double that.

Anyway, lots to do getting ready to leave town in a few weeks and also go work the camp this weekend.

Work, work, work

Been hard at work making props and plans and such for the Slenderverse LARP, which is why I haven't been around much. Damon and I have never hosted an event like this, and while we have the experience to make it amazing, we're still both nervous and determined to make it especially good, to prove ourselves.

Any of you silent readers who follow me while waiting for the game, know that we've got some amazing things planned for all of you.

And Damon, I know you're reading this. Stop being a lurker bastard. Comments would be appreciated.

Passing out Fliers

Spent all day yesterday sweating my ass off in a hoodie handing out fliers at the park. I had two friends helping me out, my Co-GM Damon and his girlfriend Penny. All of us were dressed in hoodies and old ratty clothes, doing our best to look homeless and stricken.

A few people thought we were begging, but mostly we did pretty well. We gave out ALL the fliers, which had the link to Seeking Truth, Dreams in Darkness, and of course to here-hello burst of traffic!-as well as a date, time, and location for the game.

Wednesday, August 3, 4PM, the old shed at the park I handed the fliers out in. They all have this blog, which has my email on it.

Hopefully I'll have some people getting in touch-I really want this to be a  good game.

Plot!

So, I have a solid concept for game now. I'm not going to put all the details up here, because I'm linking everyone involved to my blog. What I am going to put here is a teaser for anyone interested enough to make it this far.

So you got the flier in the park from the crazy woman standing in the Floridian heat in a hoodie. What possible motive could someone have for torturing herself like that? She needs to spread the word. There is a war going, hidden behind the scenes by everyone involved. It manifests in small ways. Children going missing, forests that no one dares enter after dark, a murder in an otherwise quiet suburb, strange symbols painted on walls and messages on doorsteps.

Most people never even notice, they go on with their lives unaware of the danger they narrowly avoided by missing the clues. But for you, the danger is real. You're marked to learn the truth, and you'd best do it quickly. Once you start learning, death comes swiftly at the hands of the Gentleman. Your only hope for survival is finding some way to fight before it is too late. How long can you survive?

Tomorrow I'm going to go hand out fliers for my game in the park, see if anyone is interested. I'll put a post up Friday before I leave for the camp to let you know how it goes.

Okay, So, I've Been Busy...

Sorry about last week. Things have been going a little nuts here. Getting ready to move back to school in a month, and as always, I forget how much there is to be done.

I'm thinking I'm going to leave the reviews as they stand. Maybe at some point I'll come back to it, but for now I'm just going to work on my newest project. One last hurrah before the  summer ends and I go back to finish my degree.

My new project is working on combining all of my recent interests. I've been working on making a Slenderverse LARP/tabletop system. Last week I spent largely pouring through the Call of Cthulhu larp system and Mind's Eye Theater (which is the World of Darkness larp variant) for ideas. As of now, I have a rough ruleset in mind for the LARP, at least. I'm having a hard time picturing this as a sit down game for now, it seems like something that should involve running about and investigating and getting chased through the woods or something.

To that end, with a tentative rulebook settled I'm working on putting together a basic plot. I'm hoping to get a group together to playtest it, see what needs changing. I don't really know a lot of LARPers, so I may have to open it to the public and take potluck. We'll see.

I'm an Idiot

Sorry to scare any of you watching this. Last week was a little test. I wanted to see if I could pull off writing a slenderblog. The answer is no, I'm thinking, so I'm going to go back to my normal reviews. Starting Wednesday.

Sorry for the insanity. I didn't mean to scare anyone.



Maybe if I tell them it's a lie I'll start to believe it.

SO Dead

He's here he's here in my room I'm staring hat him cant look away can't blink mustn't blink blink and your dead yes joekes that's the one gotta keep positive even though I'm about to be BRUTALLY MURDERED in my beroom yes he's herea nd I cant look away becaues i fI look away he can move. that's how i tgoes right? I just keep staring an dhe can't get me?

fuck

The Rules

Right. Enough with the panicking. Apparently there's an eldrich horror on my tail that wants me to start doing... things for him. I have news for him. I'm not going. I don't hurt people and I don't help other people hurt them either. I'm not going.

In the spirit of that, I'm going to put up some rules of horror to remind myself and enlighten you all. Maybe taking some control of the situation will make the whispering GO AWAY.


First. Avoid basements, cornfields, small towns in the middle of nowhere that you've never been to before, creepy woods, and abandoned houses. If you MUST go to any of these places, make sure to bring friends, stay close together, and don't stay after dark for any reason. Particularly relevant to this is the small town and woods section of this. I don't want to run into any slendycults.

Second. While it is tempting to allow the situation to distance you from friends, family, and the rest of humanity, either make it a clean break and get the fuck out of there or stay close. Emotional distance without physical distance just puts them in more danger-because then you have the heartbreaking 'I never got to tell them I loved them' situation.

Third. Don't tempt fate. Seriously. Don't be that guy. You know the one. Don't say 'surely we must be safe HERE' or 'We can hold out till morning' or anything similar. The shit hits the fan immediately afterward. And everyone hates that guy for starting it.

Fourth. Remember. This is an eldrich horror. Do not be the idiot who rushes it with a sword. That always ends badly-for the swordsman.There is no fighting, hiding is iffy at best, you have to run. And keep running. Slendy doesn't give up the hunt.


...I'm going to start getting stuff together to run. I'm glad I have some money put away from working all year.

Real

Oh shit.

He's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's real

I'm Completely Mad

He's fricken everywhere. I keep seeing him. In the park, outside my window, in the corner of my eye when I'm at the store... I'm losing my mind.

I'm having a psychotic break. He's everywhere, and the whispers... Oh god, the whispers. I never... I'd read about them, but...cripes this is bad. This is really bad. The things that they want me to do...

No. This is crap. I've got to just be going nuts. I need to just ignore it, it will go away. It WILL. It HAS to.

Because right now the voice sounds so good....

What the Crap?

Starting to think one of my friends is playing a prank on me. No review today, too busy freaking out over the tall guy in a suit that is standing outside my window. That's got to be pantyhose or something over his head, right? He can't ACTUALLY not have a face...

DnD Week!: 4.0

Fourth edition has been highly debated since it came out, in the grand tradition of DnD fanboys and girls everywhere. Every edition isn't as good as the one which came before-especially for the first year or two.

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What fourth edition is best at is random encounters. It's a system that's MADE for one shots and minis-style battles, whatever it lacks in the rest of it's gameplay. If you're looking for good fighting fun, 4th edition might be just the system for you. If not, I'd give it a pass.

DnD Week!: 3.5

DnD week!: ADnD/2.0

Think back to the old cliches of unwashed teenaged boys playing DnD in their basement with vague costumes. This was back in the days where DnD was still complicated and confusing enough to feel like an exclusive club.
Back when THACO was the order of the day and you couldn't play monsters.

This, ladies and gents, is exactly what they would have been playing. ADnD has survived to this day as a game people play, despite three editions afterward-an honor which First ed and third ed never achieved. It's got a different feel to it,

Custom Systems

Today I'm going to talk to you about something a little bit special. No specific system is being reviewed today. Instead, we're going to deal with some of the high and low points of designing your own. It's a hobby of mine, and as it's currently what I'm completely preoccupied with, instead of missing a post I thought I'd share some thoughts.

People are generally kind of scared of making new systems-it seems like there's so much a system requires, making rules and figuring out if and what kinds of classes and skills and everything you're going to use. It gets complicated fast.

But it doesn't have to.

Figure out what the system needs. Figure out what you want it to do and move from there-you're not selling books you don't NEED several hundred pages of stuff. One of the best homebrew systems I've ever had the good fortune of seeing is Risus, which has a book that's less than fifty pages and that's ALL you'll EVER need to run the game(Though to make a profit and do a couple cool side things there is an extra book you can buy).

Don't get fancy unless your game needs it. Your players will thank you

Forum Games

For a slight change of pace, and also because I've almost missed my update again and I don't have time to make this a normal critique, I want to talk to you about forum roleplaying. The kind where there's no dice, just a bunch of people writing characters together on forums. I have a great love for this type of roleplaying, I've honestly been doing it for half my life and I love seeing a story come together.

Reading the blogs made me start thinking about it, as the blogs are a very similar type of thing in that you make a character and interact with others IC. It's just a bit bigger, with the blogging and the email and the commenting and sometimes even IMs and such.

But I'm not talking about the blogs here, that's not what I'm here to do at all, no matter how fun they are. I'm here to talk about Forum Roleplaying. Just a few things a tabletop roleplayer needs to know if they want to try it out.

First, fights. As a tabletop gamer, mostly combat is something you expect on a regular basis-though how often that is depends on a lot of things. Many a tabletop gamer has crossed to forum land and been thrown by the lack of combat. Forum RPing, unless otherwise stated, tends to avoid combat because it's messy to deal with via writing and honestly the majority of forum RPs are in settings where fighting would be rare anyway.
If you DO get into a fight, be courteous. Do not assume your strikes hit, and do not dodge everything they throw your way. Just because there's no dice being rolled does not make you an unstoppable god at combat. Unless you have a really good reason for completely trouncing someone, you probably won't, so take that into consideration.

Secondly, sex. Depending on the forum, there's a chance you can sleep with other characters. If this is a mature forum, you might even be able to play out an explicit sex scene. Don't be a dick who just goes around looking for sex. Seriously. Just like in the real world, if you just walk around wanting to bang, no one will want  to have anything to do with you.

Thirdly, interactions. I don't know your tabletop style, but what I do know is that there are a surprisingly large number of tabletop players that get by on glaring about and looking mysterious, occasionally offering threats or suggestions. DO NOT DO THIS ON A FORUM. You need a solid, three dimensional character. One that will interact with other players, and do so in a way that adds something to the story.

Fourth, and this would be first if I didn't have the vain hope that you would all already know this one, grammar. If you cannot write using the basics of good spelling and grammar, get the heck off of the internet and go back to third grade. Seriously, guys. My little cousin writes better than some of these idiots. And she's twelve.  If you need to, run it through a spell checker before you post. It's easy and makes a huge difference.

As a side note, and this is just me ranting, not part of the critique, but I'm getting kind of irritated with how jumpy I've gotten reading this Slenderman stuff. I'm going to start laying off, I think, see if it helps. I don't like losing sleep over this.

Back on Friday, with another, hopefully more normal update.

Slender Man

So I missed doing yesterday's review. I got a little distracted. I confess. Instead of spending my afternoon writing up a proper review of Mutants and Masterminds, I spent it reading. I was doing some research for that Scion game that I'm currently running, looking for interesting monsters to throw at my party, when I found something fascinating.

Slenderman.

Some of you theoretical readers might already know about him. He's apparently something of an internet phenomenon, ever since Something Awful came up with him a couple years back. Tall, faceless, wears a suit, he's a simple, primal image that is all too easy to start seeing in the shadows at night. So of course I decided I wanted to make a Slendy arc for my players. Pants shittingly terrifying is totally fair game for a SRS BZNS Scion game where they're in the process of changing all the rules and challenging divinity itself, right?

It is now. But I wanted to do my research first. So I started reading. Seeking Truth, Dreams in Darkness, A Really Bad Joke, Records of an Impossibility... You should see my favorites folder for this stuff-it's HUGE. Apparently they've made this an ARG? I'm amazed at how much work these guys put into this stuff, it's incredible. Maybe once I've run out of systems to review I'll look at starting a blog of my own. 

For now, I apologize for the delay, I'll try to get back to my normal routine tomorrow. Not sure what I'm reviewing yet, but I'll tear myself away from the blogs long enough to do it

Scion

Continuing my reviews with another White Wolf system, Scion. Mechanically it has a decent bit in common with WoD, it is also a d10 system, with many of the same stats and a similar looking character sheet. In Scion, however, you're playing the children of various gods. The main book includes the Loa, the Egyptians, the Norse, the Greek, the Japanese and an invented Atlantaen pantheon, where expansions add China, the South Pacific, the Celts, and an invented 'American' pantheon.
It has rules for artifacts and for powers, as well as more passive supernatural effects you'd get from being super smart or fast or charismatic or whatever that are called 'knacks'. Mechanically, you have Hero, which is the lowest powered, then Demigod, and then God.

It's a system I've played in extensively and ran once, and I'm remarkably fond of it.

On the positive end, Scion, like all White Wolf games is very story-centric, designed to make the storytelling flow and non-combat activities feel just as important as combat. It does this very well, the Skills/Knacks/Boons system makes it easy to choose things that are useful on and off the battlefield, and to use them in either place effectively. There is a wide assortment of power trees to choose from and the system doesn't penalize you for mixing and matching.
The system of Birthrights-gifts given to you by your divine parent, is an interesting and mostly well made one. You have the choice of artifacts, followers, creatures, or mentors, and all have distinct advantages and disadvantages that are pretty well balanced.
Combat in Scion is a little more polished than in WoD, possibly because in Scion it is expected that combat will happen, whereas WoD is in a large part designed to eliminate the need for it.

On the negative end, the actual treatment of the deities in the books are pretty bad. Some are oversimplified, some are flat out changed for convenience, some are even alignment shifted for fuck's sake. The God/Titan breakdown means that in some pantheons beings that were considered forces for good are now firmly relegated to the villain side(though this is easy to ignore for one's own story).
In addition, the creature rankings are TERRIBLE and badly balanced with each other-though they still balance alright with everything else.
The Atlantaen pantheon is just weird and unnecessary. Again, easily ignored and as a supplement I would've had no problem, but they put it in the main book. There's a lot of perfectly good pantheons in the world that people actually care about, use one of them?


Overall, though, I am quite fond of Scion-though I do have a system of house rules my group plays with to make it a little more manageable. I would still very much recommend it to anyone who loves mythology in any form.

New World of Darkness

World of Darkness was the first setting I ever played, so it's got a bit of a special place in my heart, it always has. It only seemed fitting that it should be the first system I review on here.  Never fear though, I refuse to let nostalgia get in the way of a fair review.

First off, a bit of background about the system. World of Darkness is kind of an oversystem/setting for a group of supernatural type systems. You have Vampire the Requiem, Mage the Awakening, Changeling the Lost, Werewolf the Forsaken, Promethean the Created, Hunter the Vigil, and Mortals. All of these coexist in the same setting, and all of them, even mortals, can be deadly dangerous.

In theory, parties can mix and match character types to have a party comprised of all different types-though mostly races keep to themselves unless given a good reason to do otherwise. In practice, an unwary DM can find mixed parties an absolute clusterfuck that interferes with each other and/or actively tries to kill each other.

The good news

The setting is beautifully done and immensely detailed, each race has enough options for the diversity a true race needs. Each individual race's system is big enough to easily run in without bringing in other races or indeed needing to know anything about their rules or setting. The storytelling focus of the system means that character interactions are brought to the forefront and are just as smooth to play out as combat.
Character creation is quick and easy, a player familiar with the system can easily make a detailed character sheet in five-ten minutes
The books themselves are the most fun of any of the manuals I've ever read to just sit down and read-the story seeds scattered throughout are thought provoking and entertaining. Even the published adventures are open ended, offering a specific setting, NPCs and a hook without railroading you or your players into taking a certain path. If you are a creative GM, this system is exactly what you need to get going.

The Bad News

A side effect of the storytelling focus is a preoccupation with the politics of each group . It's good that there's a detailed society for everyone, it's bad when following it to the letter means spending a lot of your players' time dealing with racial politics instead of getting on with the story.
The systems do not fit together as well as they are supposed to, and without watching very carefully you may find that some party members are way overpowering others and have to be balanced for. In addition, all of the races are built to more or less hate each other on sight-which isn't unrealistic, but is somewhat of a pain to deal with.
The books are beautifully written but White Wolf is NOTORIOUSLY BAD at indexing, which makes finding anything specific in the books a huge headache.
The open endedness of the system is great if you're a creative DM who likes doing everything by hand. If you're not as creatively inclined, running WoD is a headache and a half. In addition, without mad improv skills running last minute one shots or having to run with something unexpected your characters have just done is a nightmare.

Really, though, NWoD has it's problems, but it's a great system for roleplay lovers. This is my go to system for new campaigns or convention games.

Hi, Welcome to the Blog

Hi, my name is Jessie. I'm a sci-fi/fantasy nerd and a tabletop gamer. I'm starting this blog out of the singularly egotistical belief that perhaps someone on the internet would care what I think about the latter. VIDEO GAME review blogs and video series are really popular these days, so why not a tabletop reviewer?

And why not me? I've been gaming for seven years-a third of my life, in fact. Well, a little less than that, but still. I've played with a lot of systems, and I've run some damn good games, if I do say so myself. Pretty much any system I've run I've worked with from both sides of the table and I feel pretty good about my ability to discuss them intelligently.

In any case, it'll make a good summer project. It's dull being back in Tampa for the summer. My first review, tentatively planned for the New World of Darkness,  will go up Wednesday. Stay tuned, guys!