Hope

David and I have been here for a week. I meant to say something sooner but I really have just gotten out of the habit of blogging. And, other than Miss, everyone who reads this blog is in the building, I think. So it's not like it much matters, really. But I still want to try and get back in the habit of putting things up here.

Hope is nice. Even if I haven't really seen anything but my room and the kitchen. It's so weird, there being other people around. I... I'm honestly kind of too scared to deal with it very well. But I've met a couple people. The Mad Ventriloquist has been very kind to me, and Lis made me spaghetti, and Shaun and I talked.
It's... nice. I'd forgotten what it is to talk to people, to get hugs and have simple, domestic conversations.

It won't last. We're leaving soon. I'm not sure I'm sad about that. There's so many couples... it hurts. God help me, it hurts seeing people hand in hand, seeing that magnetism between people in love. And it's everywhere, and it burns me like fire because every time I see it, or hear it, or read about it, there's just this giant hole where Damon and Penny used to be, and I just...
I can't.
I just can't.
So, I'm sorry, but we can't leave soon enough for my taste. It all hurts too much.

Sorry...

I didn't mean to vanish, really. I kind of forgot this was here?
I've been trying to not think about it. About  the part of my life on the blog.
It's not that I'm not still Stalked, that I'm not still running. Because I am.

But. I have to keep moving forward, keep living, and I don't know how to do that if I let myself think about it. Because nights like tonight? When I do? It just... it just kills me.

I'm. I'd like to think I'm so much stronger now. I'm learning how to fight, and apparently I have a knack for it. I constantly have a collection of bruises from sparring, but I take down my opponent as often as they take me down these days.

I'd probably learn faster if I didnt' have to keep moving, but I don't feel comfortable staying in one town for more than a couple weeks. So I keep going, floating from town to town, finding places with community centers or YMCA's that offer free classes in defense.

I'll try to post more often, I don't want to worry anyone.

Just An Update

Nothing much to report. Slendersightings have been scarce so far, the hotel continues to be shit and I continue to  refuse to touch the blanket or walk around barefooted.

The class is going well-only two sessions so far, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. The me of a few weeks ago probably would've been too nervous to do any of this, but after losing everyone it doesn't bother me. All I have to do is imagine using these moves on Star or one of his minions and I'm fine with it. Amazing how things change.

Speaking of Morningstar. Apparently he thinks he can defect? This crazy bint honestly thinks he of all people deserves a chance at redemption. I've seen him. I've looked into his eyes. He has no pity, no remorse. I looked into those cold blue eyes and saw cruelty and joy at my suffering. I do not believe for a moment he has any sort of remorse.
I still have nightmares of those eyes and that cold, clear laugh as Damon died.
He doesn't deserve the second chance Damon and Penny never got.