Sorry...

I didn't mean to vanish, really. I kind of forgot this was here?
I've been trying to not think about it. About  the part of my life on the blog.
It's not that I'm not still Stalked, that I'm not still running. Because I am.

But. I have to keep moving forward, keep living, and I don't know how to do that if I let myself think about it. Because nights like tonight? When I do? It just... it just kills me.

I'm. I'd like to think I'm so much stronger now. I'm learning how to fight, and apparently I have a knack for it. I constantly have a collection of bruises from sparring, but I take down my opponent as often as they take me down these days.

I'd probably learn faster if I didnt' have to keep moving, but I don't feel comfortable staying in one town for more than a couple weeks. So I keep going, floating from town to town, finding places with community centers or YMCA's that offer free classes in defense.

I'll try to post more often, I don't want to worry anyone.

Pondering My Next Move

I've been here at Miss' house for almost a week. She's been amazing. It's been really hard, she's helped me so much.
I'll admit that the first couple days I didn't really do much but cry and sleep. And then she mentioned wanting cookies. Just idly. And somehow next thing I knew I was baking cookies in her kitchen and she was looking at me with these bright starry eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time since... well. You know.
No matter how much it feels like your heart will break at each new tragedy, life moves on. The little things still happen to make you smile or laugh or cry, and eventually even the most bitter and desperate person starts to notice the happy moments again.
I'm not over it. I may never be over it. I loved them, and they died for me, and I'm not sure I even want to be over it or over them. But I'm recovering. I feel alive again, and I need to get moving.

I left Miss' house this morning. It's strange and sad and terrifying to be alone again but the three of them left me enough money to get by for a while until I figure out my next move.

You Were Right, Jess

Hi, this is Penny. Jessie, I'm sorry for breaking into your account but you're not answering your phone and you left your password as the one we used for everything, so I hope this is okay. We needed to get in touch.

You were right, I'm so sorry, you were right and now we have a stalker in a business suit. Jessie, where are you love? We miss you and we want you back, now that there's no reason for us to stay apart. Please, please call us back?

That can be an order if you're willing to have us back. We love you, Jess, and we're both pretty fucking scared.

Gone

I need to do this in order, otherwise I'll just freak out again and this post will never go up. The date yesterday was great. Brandon is sweet and we honestly have a good time together. I ended up taking him with me to run errands, and so we spent like five hours together. Pretty good for the first date, yeah? So I was pretty much deliriously happy when I went home and made dinner for Penny and Damon.

And then I found this. And I have to be honest with you guys, I have to, I think Damon and Penny and Brandon are the only ones who read this and I can't lie to you. He's real, I'm so sorry. A few weeks ago, that wasn't a game that was real and I thought I'd gotten through it, I thought it would go away but when I read that post I turned and He was in the window and I screamed. I knew... I knew I had to leave, I had to save Damon and Penny, because they're good kind people and they've treated me so well and I love them and I don't want this happening to them.

He's real, and I had to run, and I couldn't take Damon and Penny, couldn't TELL Damon and Penny. They know, of course, because I'm not allowed to lie to them, but they haven't seen him yet, they're not being stalked, so there's still hope, so I need to leave. I left with Brandon last night.

Damon, Penny, I'm so sorry. I know I broke the rules. I shouldn't have lied, I shouldn't have left, and I'm so sorry but my collar isn't worth your lives, it's just not. I love you both. I'm sorry.