Processing

I think... I think I'm still in shock, a little bit.
I don't... We didn't have a plan, really. We had no plans except to run. So I've not really known what to do? But we were headed up to see Miss, before... before all of this went down.
So, I decided to go ahead and go to her. She's... she's very kind and I don't really want to be alone after all of this.
Also admittedly I feel a lot safer with her, what with her being... whatever she is, exactly. I got to her early this afternoon, and she's every bit as kind in person. It feels nice to have someone to talk to again, and she doesn't mind hugging me while I cry.
Which happens quite often these days, unfortunately

I'm finally out of survival mode, now that I have time to sit and process... And I've been thinking. When I can.
I have to find something, I have to live. Damon told me, when he ordered me to run, that I had to keep living. It was... it was the last thing he ever told me. I don't know how. But I have to do it. For him. For them.

Somehow.

What Now

My name is Jessie Miller. I am twenty two years old, I had two partners named Damon Lewis and Penny Smith. I had a boyfriend named Brandon. I was studying to be a nurse, with a specialty in pediatrics. Penny was a teacher, Damon an electrical engineer. We met my first year in college when we all joined the same gaming group. Damon and Penny had been best friends for years and they both fell for me.
They agreed to share me if I agreed to it, and it wasn't long after that they realized they had feelings for each other. We were planning on moving somewhere on the coast after I graduated. They collared me last September, telling me they'd marry me as well if it were legal.
We were happy, together, until I got too nosy and started reading blogs and brought Slenderman into their lives. We had beautiful plans, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Penny dreamed of being a novelist-she hated horror stories and loved light hearted fantasy with everything she had. Damon wanted to make us a completely self-sustaining house.
They gave me rules and things to focus on when I was scared and needed guidance. They walked me through my fears and my doubts. Penny's family kicked her out of the house when she came out to them about Damon and I. Told her to never come back, but she was so proud to be open about her lovers that she spent the whole day smiling.
Damon was the one who found us our house. He graduated with a real job and could afford it. We had a crappy apartment in Jacksonville for school but Damon graduated and found us a little house where we could all live. This fall would have been the first time in two years that I wouldn't go to sleep with them every night, but it was okay because I only had a semester left and I had their collar to remind me I was theirs.
Penny smelled like ginger and tasted like cherries and had beautiful soft red hair. We always woke up in the morning tangled up in each other because she loved to cuddle and it always felt so good to make her smile.
Damon had a deep grumbly voice that felt commanding in all the right ways and a laugh that never failed to make me smile. He always smelt of soap and man and things I can't quite identify but his arms always felt like home and the way he called me good girl always made my toes curl.

Brandon I barely knew. It was my fault that he got involved. He was sweet and shy and way confused by the insanity that hit him so quickly. But he was just learning how to game and he was utterly delighted by the dice. He was so good to me when I was scared and tried so hard to take care of me so soon after we'd met. Our first date was only that morning...
His smile could light up a whole room and his kisses were sweet and I will always regret that I never had time to show him my world properly, and he never really even tried to show me his.

I will never forget them, I loved them all, they were my family and they all died so that I could be here and I don't know why I'm the one who survived, I'm useless without them, but I have to make them all proud. Somehow.

Master, Lady, Brandon... I'm so sorry. I love you. I would give anything for one more day with you.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe.

Reunited

Damon and Penny are here! They got here in time for dinner but I've been so happy to see them that I didn't want to move from their side to post this. It's... It's so amazing to see them again. We're a family again, and they're getting on well with Brandon, and for the first time in a long time everything feels like it's going to actually work out again.

I just wanted you all to know that. 

You Were Right, Jess

Hi, this is Penny. Jessie, I'm sorry for breaking into your account but you're not answering your phone and you left your password as the one we used for everything, so I hope this is okay. We needed to get in touch.

You were right, I'm so sorry, you were right and now we have a stalker in a business suit. Jessie, where are you love? We miss you and we want you back, now that there's no reason for us to stay apart. Please, please call us back?

That can be an order if you're willing to have us back. We love you, Jess, and we're both pretty fucking scared.

Gone

I need to do this in order, otherwise I'll just freak out again and this post will never go up. The date yesterday was great. Brandon is sweet and we honestly have a good time together. I ended up taking him with me to run errands, and so we spent like five hours together. Pretty good for the first date, yeah? So I was pretty much deliriously happy when I went home and made dinner for Penny and Damon.

And then I found this. And I have to be honest with you guys, I have to, I think Damon and Penny and Brandon are the only ones who read this and I can't lie to you. He's real, I'm so sorry. A few weeks ago, that wasn't a game that was real and I thought I'd gotten through it, I thought it would go away but when I read that post I turned and He was in the window and I screamed. I knew... I knew I had to leave, I had to save Damon and Penny, because they're good kind people and they've treated me so well and I love them and I don't want this happening to them.

He's real, and I had to run, and I couldn't take Damon and Penny, couldn't TELL Damon and Penny. They know, of course, because I'm not allowed to lie to them, but they haven't seen him yet, they're not being stalked, so there's still hope, so I need to leave. I left with Brandon last night.

Damon, Penny, I'm so sorry. I know I broke the rules. I shouldn't have lied, I shouldn't have left, and I'm so sorry but my collar isn't worth your lives, it's just not. I love you both. I'm sorry.

The Game

Today was game day. Damon and Penny and I slept in, the game wasn't till four, and we headed out at around noon to get the stuff we needed to set up in the park taken care of, and we went to eat before the game because it was going to run well past dinner. The whole time the three of us were buzzing with anticipation, excitement for things to come.

We took our places at 3, ready with enough premade characters for double the people that had let us know they were coming-just in case. People started arriving pretty shortly after that, and we were relatively occupied until Brandon arrived a little after four. We'd been about to head out and get started, but I'm glad we waited. He's very sweet, if a little misguided. Seemed to think that this whole slenderthing was something more than just a game. He was pretty agitated about it.

I talked him down, though, and got him to come play. He'd never done a LARP before, but he did pretty well, and seemed to have a damn good time. Afterward, he came to talk to me and asked me out. Which, I admit, I was kind of excited about.

Confession time, guys. Damon and Penny aren't just friends, as Brandon noticed. We're dating. The three of us. We're a committed triad, though we all also pick up other partners from time to time. I had to check with them before I accepted Brandon's offer, but I wasn't particularly worried they'd say no. They've been encouraging me to pick up a date-they're both pretty busy most of the time and as I have very little to do during the week, finding someone good to spend some of that time with is definitely not a bad thing.

I probably should've come out and TOLD Brandon, but I thought that telling him I needed to ask permission was pretty obvious. Apparently he didn't figure it out until we kissed, though. At least he doesn't seem to mind? A lot of folks are squicked by polyamory. My family is still weirded out, and the three of us have been together for three years. Though admittedly they're nice about it, so it's not such a big deal.

In any case, I need to go get ready for my date. I'll throw up a post later today about how it went.