Pondering My Next Move

I've been here at Miss' house for almost a week. She's been amazing. It's been really hard, she's helped me so much.
I'll admit that the first couple days I didn't really do much but cry and sleep. And then she mentioned wanting cookies. Just idly. And somehow next thing I knew I was baking cookies in her kitchen and she was looking at me with these bright starry eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time since... well. You know.
No matter how much it feels like your heart will break at each new tragedy, life moves on. The little things still happen to make you smile or laugh or cry, and eventually even the most bitter and desperate person starts to notice the happy moments again.
I'm not over it. I may never be over it. I loved them, and they died for me, and I'm not sure I even want to be over it or over them. But I'm recovering. I feel alive again, and I need to get moving.

I left Miss' house this morning. It's strange and sad and terrifying to be alone again but the three of them left me enough money to get by for a while until I figure out my next move.

Processing

I think... I think I'm still in shock, a little bit.
I don't... We didn't have a plan, really. We had no plans except to run. So I've not really known what to do? But we were headed up to see Miss, before... before all of this went down.
So, I decided to go ahead and go to her. She's... she's very kind and I don't really want to be alone after all of this.
Also admittedly I feel a lot safer with her, what with her being... whatever she is, exactly. I got to her early this afternoon, and she's every bit as kind in person. It feels nice to have someone to talk to again, and she doesn't mind hugging me while I cry.
Which happens quite often these days, unfortunately

I'm finally out of survival mode, now that I have time to sit and process... And I've been thinking. When I can.
I have to find something, I have to live. Damon told me, when he ordered me to run, that I had to keep living. It was... it was the last thing he ever told me. I don't know how. But I have to do it. For him. For them.

Somehow.

You Were Right, Jess

Hi, this is Penny. Jessie, I'm sorry for breaking into your account but you're not answering your phone and you left your password as the one we used for everything, so I hope this is okay. We needed to get in touch.

You were right, I'm so sorry, you were right and now we have a stalker in a business suit. Jessie, where are you love? We miss you and we want you back, now that there's no reason for us to stay apart. Please, please call us back?

That can be an order if you're willing to have us back. We love you, Jess, and we're both pretty fucking scared.

Running

Being on the run is terrifying. I could only bring what I could sneak out of our house without Damon and Penny noticing, so while I managed to empty my account on the way to meet Brandon, I was only able to bring a couple days worth of clothes, a couple books, and the LARPing weapons that were already in my car. I'm seriously considering finding a goodwill and trying to pick up a few more things, all of what I have is already pretty grimy. But money is going to be tight pretty soon so I can't quite justify it.

Brandon's been holding up pretty well, considering. Neither of us have come up with anything beyond 'run like the wind', but he's been so good to me... I'm not exactly the most stable right now. The day after we left, Damon and Penny called and told me that we were done. It shouldn't... it shouldn't bother me so damn much, I never expected anything else, but I... they've been so much a part of me, of my life, of everything I say or do, for so long...

I just feel lost. Thank God for Brandon, if I were on my own right now I couldn't... I couldn't do it. I just... I...

I should go before I start crying again.

Gone

I need to do this in order, otherwise I'll just freak out again and this post will never go up. The date yesterday was great. Brandon is sweet and we honestly have a good time together. I ended up taking him with me to run errands, and so we spent like five hours together. Pretty good for the first date, yeah? So I was pretty much deliriously happy when I went home and made dinner for Penny and Damon.

And then I found this. And I have to be honest with you guys, I have to, I think Damon and Penny and Brandon are the only ones who read this and I can't lie to you. He's real, I'm so sorry. A few weeks ago, that wasn't a game that was real and I thought I'd gotten through it, I thought it would go away but when I read that post I turned and He was in the window and I screamed. I knew... I knew I had to leave, I had to save Damon and Penny, because they're good kind people and they've treated me so well and I love them and I don't want this happening to them.

He's real, and I had to run, and I couldn't take Damon and Penny, couldn't TELL Damon and Penny. They know, of course, because I'm not allowed to lie to them, but they haven't seen him yet, they're not being stalked, so there's still hope, so I need to leave. I left with Brandon last night.

Damon, Penny, I'm so sorry. I know I broke the rules. I shouldn't have lied, I shouldn't have left, and I'm so sorry but my collar isn't worth your lives, it's just not. I love you both. I'm sorry.

Things Change

Camp this weekend was dire. With Kaylee gone, my entire cabin was in a bad mood. Getting them to smile and laugh was quite a trick, one that I only partially achieved, because I was just as down as they were every time I looked at her empty bunk.

But we managed, and there's only one week left before the camp stops for the summer. It's... Normally I'm really sad when we end for the season, I fall in love with my kids and I hate to see them go, but after what happened last week I'm all nervous around the trees-and we have a lot of them. I hate that whatever happened has corrupted my haven like this. Hopefully by the winter I'll be able to enjoy it again.

In happier news, my game is tomorrow. It's looking like we're going to have a good turn-out, so that'll be fantastic. Damon and Penny and I are getting together this afternoon to do the last minute stuff we need to get done for tomorrow. Any of you reading this that are planning to show, you're in for something amazing.

I'll see you then!

Camp

I've been debating on whether to say anything about this here, because it's kind of private, but I don't have a whole lot of readers and most of the ones I do have will go away as soon as they figure out that this isn't a gaming post. I need to get this out SOMEWHERE.

I work at a weekends-only camp for kids with terminal diseases-cancer, mostly, but we have all types here. I love working with the kids, and if it is a little depressing thinking of how many of them aren't going to make it, I try and make up for that with remembering that I'm brightening their lives.

This is my third year working at the camp, and honestly it's the only reason I came back to Tampa this year instead of doing summer school like most of my friends.  The credit hours I get are nice, and as pediatric nursing is my chosen field I love the experience I get.

That's... that's not the problem part. The problem is with one of my campers. A little eight year old I'll call Kaylee. The first weekend I found her crying in her bunk and took her for a walk to cheer her up, and ever since, she's been my best friend among the kids. She has a heart defect, and before she got to camp she'd never really been allowed to run and play outside for fear of overexerting herself. She loves it, and she's always SO EXCITED to arrive Friday afternoon.

Saturday night she was feeling rather down so I took her for another walk before lights out. I remember the two of us leaving and laughing as we strolled into the woods, and then I remember her being on the ground and frantically calling everyone to help as I tried to keep her heart going. I wish I could remember what happened to give her problems.

She's in the hospital now, and she's in bad shape, but she'll last a while longer. It got her bumped up the transplant list, which is good, if scary. I went to see her this morning, and she seemed terrified. Wouldn't talk about what happened, said she didn't want to go back to camp. It's probably nothing-odds are high she hallucinated when she went down due to a lack of oxygen to the brain. If it were something scary, it would explain everything.

But still. I worry. It just doesn't feel quite right, and I don't know why

Going As Planned

Planning and prop making is going well, if perhaps a bit more expensively than I would have liked.  It's a good thing I've been working at the camp all summer, otherwise this would completely destroy my budget. It's worth it, though, to know that I've really gone full out for this. I'm really excited and I know my players are going to have a blast.

And yes, I actually have players for certain! The emails are coming in now, so far I have four. Two veterans, two newbies, but it's a new system so everyone starts on even footing. There's still plenty of time before game so I'm hoping I'll have at least double that.

Anyway, lots to do getting ready to leave town in a few weeks and also go work the camp this weekend.

I'm an Idiot

Sorry to scare any of you watching this. Last week was a little test. I wanted to see if I could pull off writing a slenderblog. The answer is no, I'm thinking, so I'm going to go back to my normal reviews. Starting Wednesday.

Sorry for the insanity. I didn't mean to scare anyone.



Maybe if I tell them it's a lie I'll start to believe it.

The Rules

Right. Enough with the panicking. Apparently there's an eldrich horror on my tail that wants me to start doing... things for him. I have news for him. I'm not going. I don't hurt people and I don't help other people hurt them either. I'm not going.

In the spirit of that, I'm going to put up some rules of horror to remind myself and enlighten you all. Maybe taking some control of the situation will make the whispering GO AWAY.


First. Avoid basements, cornfields, small towns in the middle of nowhere that you've never been to before, creepy woods, and abandoned houses. If you MUST go to any of these places, make sure to bring friends, stay close together, and don't stay after dark for any reason. Particularly relevant to this is the small town and woods section of this. I don't want to run into any slendycults.

Second. While it is tempting to allow the situation to distance you from friends, family, and the rest of humanity, either make it a clean break and get the fuck out of there or stay close. Emotional distance without physical distance just puts them in more danger-because then you have the heartbreaking 'I never got to tell them I loved them' situation.

Third. Don't tempt fate. Seriously. Don't be that guy. You know the one. Don't say 'surely we must be safe HERE' or 'We can hold out till morning' or anything similar. The shit hits the fan immediately afterward. And everyone hates that guy for starting it.

Fourth. Remember. This is an eldrich horror. Do not be the idiot who rushes it with a sword. That always ends badly-for the swordsman.There is no fighting, hiding is iffy at best, you have to run. And keep running. Slendy doesn't give up the hunt.


...I'm going to start getting stuff together to run. I'm glad I have some money put away from working all year.

Real

Oh shit.

He's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's realHe's real

I'm Completely Mad

He's fricken everywhere. I keep seeing him. In the park, outside my window, in the corner of my eye when I'm at the store... I'm losing my mind.

I'm having a psychotic break. He's everywhere, and the whispers... Oh god, the whispers. I never... I'd read about them, but...cripes this is bad. This is really bad. The things that they want me to do...

No. This is crap. I've got to just be going nuts. I need to just ignore it, it will go away. It WILL. It HAS to.

Because right now the voice sounds so good....

What the Crap?

Starting to think one of my friends is playing a prank on me. No review today, too busy freaking out over the tall guy in a suit that is standing outside my window. That's got to be pantyhose or something over his head, right? He can't ACTUALLY not have a face...

DnD Week!: 3.5

Custom Systems

Today I'm going to talk to you about something a little bit special. No specific system is being reviewed today. Instead, we're going to deal with some of the high and low points of designing your own. It's a hobby of mine, and as it's currently what I'm completely preoccupied with, instead of missing a post I thought I'd share some thoughts.

People are generally kind of scared of making new systems-it seems like there's so much a system requires, making rules and figuring out if and what kinds of classes and skills and everything you're going to use. It gets complicated fast.

But it doesn't have to.

Figure out what the system needs. Figure out what you want it to do and move from there-you're not selling books you don't NEED several hundred pages of stuff. One of the best homebrew systems I've ever had the good fortune of seeing is Risus, which has a book that's less than fifty pages and that's ALL you'll EVER need to run the game(Though to make a profit and do a couple cool side things there is an extra book you can buy).

Don't get fancy unless your game needs it. Your players will thank you