Nothing much to report. Slendersightings have been scarce so far, the hotel continues to be shit and I continue to refuse to touch the blanket or walk around barefooted.
The class is going well-only two sessions so far, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. The me of a few weeks ago probably would've been too nervous to do any of this, but after losing everyone it doesn't bother me. All I have to do is imagine using these moves on Star or one of his minions and I'm fine with it. Amazing how things change.
Speaking of Morningstar. Apparently he thinks he can defect? This crazy bint honestly thinks he of all people deserves a chance at redemption. I've seen him. I've looked into his eyes. He has no pity, no remorse. I looked into those cold blue eyes and saw cruelty and joy at my suffering. I do not believe for a moment he has any sort of remorse.
I still have nightmares of those eyes and that cold, clear laugh as Damon died.
He doesn't deserve the second chance Damon and Penny never got.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Stronger
Sorry I'm slow to update lately but I've been driving so hard all I do when I reach a stopping point is pass out. I don't have much to say. I'm just going through my days and trying to live and figure out where to go from here.
That said, I'm now settled down in one of those sleazy rent by the week type places. I don't expect to be able to stay here long, but I'll enjoy the couple weeks I have, because I've come to a decision.
I don't have anyone to protect me anymore. I can't expect to be protected or sheltered or guarded ever again. I have to learn how to protect and take care of myself. In regards to the former, the city I'm in at the moment has free self defense classes going at the community center. I've already enrolled. I don't ever expect to be a fighter like some of you, but these days being able to fight back if I'm attacked is rather important.
The later I'm just having to figure out as I go.
The point is, I have a goal, I have a plan, I refuse to let this destroy me. For Damon and Penny and Brandon, I have to keep going.
That said, I'm now settled down in one of those sleazy rent by the week type places. I don't expect to be able to stay here long, but I'll enjoy the couple weeks I have, because I've come to a decision.
I don't have anyone to protect me anymore. I can't expect to be protected or sheltered or guarded ever again. I have to learn how to protect and take care of myself. In regards to the former, the city I'm in at the moment has free self defense classes going at the community center. I've already enrolled. I don't ever expect to be a fighter like some of you, but these days being able to fight back if I'm attacked is rather important.
The later I'm just having to figure out as I go.
The point is, I have a goal, I have a plan, I refuse to let this destroy me. For Damon and Penny and Brandon, I have to keep going.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Pondering My Next Move
I've been here at Miss' house for almost a week. She's been amazing. It's been really hard, she's helped me so much.
I'll admit that the first couple days I didn't really do much but cry and sleep. And then she mentioned wanting cookies. Just idly. And somehow next thing I knew I was baking cookies in her kitchen and she was looking at me with these bright starry eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time since... well. You know.
No matter how much it feels like your heart will break at each new tragedy, life moves on. The little things still happen to make you smile or laugh or cry, and eventually even the most bitter and desperate person starts to notice the happy moments again.
I'm not over it. I may never be over it. I loved them, and they died for me, and I'm not sure I even want to be over it or over them. But I'm recovering. I feel alive again, and I need to get moving.
I left Miss' house this morning. It's strange and sad and terrifying to be alone again but the three of them left me enough money to get by for a while until I figure out my next move.
I'll admit that the first couple days I didn't really do much but cry and sleep. And then she mentioned wanting cookies. Just idly. And somehow next thing I knew I was baking cookies in her kitchen and she was looking at me with these bright starry eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time since... well. You know.
No matter how much it feels like your heart will break at each new tragedy, life moves on. The little things still happen to make you smile or laugh or cry, and eventually even the most bitter and desperate person starts to notice the happy moments again.
I'm not over it. I may never be over it. I loved them, and they died for me, and I'm not sure I even want to be over it or over them. But I'm recovering. I feel alive again, and I need to get moving.
I left Miss' house this morning. It's strange and sad and terrifying to be alone again but the three of them left me enough money to get by for a while until I figure out my next move.
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